The financial crash hit end of 2008. We suffered in 2009, we are paying for the honour to keep businesses afloat in 2010.

I thought I was living in a capitalist country and continent, and that communism was dad in Western-Europe. I was wrong. The West, the USA included, has “saved” banks by pumping obscene amounts of money in them, despite their management’s unwillingness to clean up the mess behind them.

Now, in Europe, GM has decided plants will stay open and have cars rolling out again, but only if the European countries where they have plants, are willing to pay what is nothing less than subsidies.

That’s taxpayer’s money –the dreaded word. I’ll repeat that in a slightly different form: we are all going to pay for your car, my car, his/her car.

If we are going back to the time of subsidies anyway, why not tell GM to take a hike and pay out the 2.5 billion they’re asking directly to workers? We’ll be subsiding them for doing nothing, but at least the money will be spent in Europe again, and not be parked into some GM boss’s offshore account somewhere.

With all those experts in social media, SEO, and all those other acronyms, fighting with each other to make out who has the best 10 tips for becoming a millionaire in ten days on the Web, I thought I’d add my tips too. Here they are!

- Set up a phishing scheme where you rob people of their bank information and then steal their money directly from their bank accounts. No faster way to riches than this!

- Start a spamming list. For this idea you must ideally live in Russia or another Eastern European country. The expertise that is available there will knock you off your socks.

- The next tip will take slightly longer than ten days, but you’ll get richer: develop a silly system for digital telegraphing, call it a silly name –let’s say Twitter– and subsequently call the silly texts people leave behind a “conversation”. Guaranteed to get you many millions.

- In the same league, start a service where people can find others whom they’ve never met or would care to meet with if they really knew them; let them call each other “friends” and cash in on non-existent privacy driving shameless banner advertising, etc. Pay a couple of journalists to spread the word that privacy is dead anyway.

- Start a porn site. Not an ordinary porn site, but one where you show people doing the most atrocious things to each other, all under the umbrella of free speech.

- Start a real conversation with a business contact, preferably one that is miles away, and spend time to find out your contact’s dirty little secrets like him having a mistress and all, then blackmail him into paying you a nice sum of money every month to keep your knowledge to yourself.

- Better yet: do this to a celebrity –it’s easier: you can make up stories at will, as everybody believes anything that’s on the web, because when it’s on the web it has to be true!

Let this list of get rich tips soak well in. I offer no guarantees, but you can always buy my eBook on the subject for the ridiculous amount of 200.00 USD. In it, I’ll slap you in the face with platitudes and common knowledge, but written in such a way that you’ll be convinced I have a direct line with God himself.

Do retweet this post as often as you can. I desperately need to make some money this month…